Turk and Larkin Deli: The Shane Battier of Sandwiches

The Turk and Larkin Deli is a average, big and inexpensive sandwich. The Turk and Larkin Deli is often referred to as the "Turkeylurky Deli"

Shane Battier is a solid glue-guy type player. He will never be an All-Star but you will never kill your salary cap by having him either. Other teams will underestimate him, but if he is on your team, you are glad to have him. This sandwich is the same. You are never going to tell a friend "Oh I know of this great Sandwich, you have to try." No, rather, you are going to go here when you are hungry and don't have much money.

I was introduced to this place by my Shane Battier of friends, the Rock of Glendale. He'll never get you laid or know of an amazing party but you are always glad he is your friend and he makes a mean pulled pork. He plays basketball nothing like Shane Battier. In the end, I'd rather have a Shane Battier friend than a Stephon Marbury friend. On to the sandwich.

Meat(25):x 15 Regular dry Salami.

Quality(15):x 7 Your standard dry salami. This is the kinda stuff you get in the grocery store. Salty, decent flavor, overall average.

Quantity(10): x 8 Damn. The old guy making this sandwich loaded the meat up on this sandwich. Most loaded sandwich to date.

Bread(20): x 7.5
Middle of the spectrum Dutch Crunch. Not that flavorful. Average bread.

Value (20): x 15
I paid with a $5 and got change back. FUCK YEAH. $4.75

Spread (10): x 3
Yellow mustard and Mayo.

Fixings (10):x 2

1. leaf lettuce
2. Onion
   

Again showing just how simple this sandwich is.

Cheese:(5): x 2 Basic Cheddar cheese. I find this always has the strong flavor to keep up with the salami.

Originality (5): x 0
Zero elements of originality

Sandwich shop/creator (5): x 4
Counter guy was nice and quick. Lots of drinks in the fridge. The Rock and I split a tasty cookie. All of it was fairly cheap.

Total Points: 48.5
Yep just about average. Lacked a few elements but made up for it with value.

When good ideas go bad: The Papa Zena

While sitting and waiting for The Papa Zena I had the highest of expectations. The description sounded great, the help was friendly and cute, the place was crowded and I was hungry as hell.

But no, the fine shitty sandwich artisans hacks at Paisan’s had to take a solid and reputable sandwich and fail to execute.

I feel sorry for you, the poor people of Reno. You live in a shitty city. A quick Google search of “America’s shittiest cities” primarily yields stories relating to cities located within Adam’s home state of Michigan, but somewhere on the second page you’ll find a link to the Reno, “America’s Biggest Little Shitty City.” Also you know nothing about sandwiches as evidenced by 4 star rating of this deli on yelp. One commenter exclamed "they cater too!" Who gives a fuck? Onto the sandwich.:

Meat(25):x 12.5 Proscuttio.

Quality(15):x 6 The Prosucttio was cheap, not very flavorful. That being said, bad proscuttio is still pretty tasty.
Quantity(10): x 6.5 Places tend to skimp on the prosuct since it can be a little expensive. Paisan's bought the cheap stuff but gave a fairly solid amount.
Bread(20): x 8
The lithosphere of this version of dutch crutch differed from last entries bread. The crutch itself was closer together and a little more greasy. Very little mantle here as well. This bread was ok, could have benefited from some toasting.

Value (20): x 5
Menu lists the price at $6.45. I got a can of diet coke and this sandwich and it cost $10.85. No pickle, no chips, no potato salad. I figured I had just bought a $4 diet coke or Nevada had sales tax rate that similar to that of a Scandinavian country. A quick look at the receipt turns up a sandwich costing $8.25 and a can of diet coke that was "only" $1.95.

Spread (10): x -3
Sun-dried tomato pesto spread. Sounds fucking awesome right? I thought so too. I was excited for this gourmet spread. Well this is really where Paisan's screwed the pooch. This spread was way too strong. In fact, it was the only thing I could really taste on the sandwich and it wasn't that good. I had to use one of my toothpicks to scrap a ton off and it still was overpowering. Just because something sounds great in theory and works well in some situations, doesn't mean that an over zealous application on every-fucking-thing-you-make will be a good, except orange sauce. Example: The internet and Pets.com. Let me take you back to 1999. Amazon is awesome, everybody is buying everything online. The genuises at pets.com say "Hey, the internet works for light stuff like books and DVDs, why can't we sell dog food and puppies on the NET?" Hey Silcon Valley dickhead, shipping 60 pounds of dog food across the country is not a good use of the internet. One word for you cock wallet: Walmart. You go there, buy your dog food for next to nothing, have an old person take it out to your car and put in in your trunk and drive home. No $80 shipping and handling. Is anyone suprised that pets.com went under when kids across the country were ordering pets online and a UPS ground shipped package showed up 12-17 business days later full of dead golden retrivers? Buying stuff on the internet and sundried tomato pesto are good, but not in every situation.

Fixings (10):x 1

1. leaf lettuce
   

yep, that's it

Cheese:(5): x 2 Mozarrella is the correct choice of cheese for this sandwich. Unfortunately the decision makers over at Paisan's decided to use slices of mozarrella. Wrong! Shredded and melted or the stuff you keep in the water.
Originality (5): x 1
Not really that creative. Bonus point awarded here for unusual spread. No other elements of originality of note.
Sandwich shop/creator (5): x 4
Cute cash register girl, clean shop, soda fountain and cooler, clean and quick service.

Total Points: 30.5
Disappointing for sure. I'd give the place another try on something a little more simple.

Toy Boat 10 times fast: The Convenience Sandwich

The Toy Boat is within a stones throw of my house and is thus the most accessible and convenient sandwich shop. Wake up at noon on sunday? Toy Boat. This place also has awesome ice cream. Get the large rocky road-strawberry combo in the waffle cone.
On to the sandwich:

Meat(25):x 19 Cajun Turkey from Boar's Head.
Quality(15):x 12.5
This is some pretty good turkey. I would even say top 3. It's spicy without being ridiculous. This stuff is the exact opposite of what most turkey is, flavorful and with good texture

Quantity(10): x 6.5
Like a bar that jiggers its shots, I hate sandwich places that pre-weigh and package their meat. Give the sandwich artisan some leeway damn it. Still, pretty good amount for a prepackaged.

Bread(20): x 15
Contrary to popular belief, dutch crunch actually comes in a number of varieties. The underlying roll almost always is a soft French roll, and then there is the "crunch". The crunch comes in many forms with a spectrum starting at a continuous layer with intermittent cracks to the dutch crunch plate tectonics form.

As the diagram above shows, this particular dutch crunch roll falls more towards the plate tectonics end of the spectrum. This sandwich was toasted to perfection bread. The crunch plates had just ok flavor, not on par with their texture.

Value (20): x 9
The base price on this sandwich is $7. Swiss cheese costs $0.50. After tax, a diet coke, and throwing the change in the jar $10. You do choice of a side of chips, some sort of mayo based salad (I think it is mayo with some potato or egg mixed in for taste), or a worthless pickle. $10 for chips, drink sandwich is alright. Sandwich is pretty substantial so they get just under average.

Spread (10): x 7
They have 2 or 3 different choices on mustard as well as ranch dressing. However this places makes salads as well with honey mustard dressing available. I opt for the Honey mustard as my sandwich spread. The flavor is good, but it doesn't quite have the viscosity I look for in a mustard. Mayo was good.

Fixings (10):x 5.5

1. leaf lettuce (good crunch)
   
2. peperoncinis
3. Red onion
4. Butter Pickle slices

Little to much red onion.
Lettuce provides good crunch although it was hanging over the edge a little (Rip that shit off sandwich maker. Nobody wants to nibble a bunch of lettuce to get to their sandwich).
Standard picles
Peperoncinis are good. They aren't called banana peppers. That's what Gwen Stefnai calls them and she doesn't know shit about sandwiches.

Cheese:(5): x 2
Two slices of swiss which is good. They get knocked down to two stars because although the sandwich is toasted, the cheese wasn't melted. Amateurs.

Originality (5): x 1.5
Turkey and swiss. 0 pickles.
Toasting 0.5 pickles.
Having honey mustard 1 pickle.
Not letting me know about it:-1 pickle
Cajun Turkey 1 pickle

Sandwich shop/creator (5): x 3.5
So there are a few sandwich makers here. This place has numerous sandwich makers, most of who are average. The two hipster dudes who are average, the two hipster girls and the asian girl are average, the owner/old guy who I have never got a sandwich from and then there is the cute skinny girl who also happens to be the best sandwich maker. She made this one. Funny side story: Having frequented the Toy Boat often, I have a certain rapport with THE Toy Boat Girl. My buddy Nate and I formed an elaborate scheme for me to introduce him to her after which he would subsequently ask her out. The introduction worked well but Nate (who fancies himself quite the lady's man) got I believe 2.3 syllables out before she shot him down.

Ice cream is good.
Proximity to my house is better.

Total Points: 62.5

Just your average cafe/deli sandwich. Nothing really special except the cajun turkey, the cute and ruthlessly efficient counter girl and the proximity to my house.